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Author Topic: What to tell a new girlfriend?  (Read 13894 times)

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  • Member
  • Posts: 4
What to tell a new girlfriend?
« on: October 28, 2009, 04:01:18 pm »
I've been seeing this really great woman. She's attractive, and has a great attitude and we seem to get along really well. We've been going out for about two months and neither of us is dating anyone else anymore. I think she really likes me, and I think we could get pretty serious. I just don't feel like I know how to bring up the issue of my depression.

I had my first really bad episode right after I got out of college, and I was on meds for a while and then I was fine. I got into a four year relationship about a year later and I never really felt like I needed to tell her about it, because I was fine.

Then about a year ago, the depression came back -- with a vengeance. It came on fast and I was so bad I had to go into the hospital for about a week. Now I'm still juggling multiple meds and trying to find the right combo. We've stayed at her place so far. I've been worried about having her over in case she sees the meds and asks me about them.

I feel like I should tell her about the depression, because my doctor said that once it has come back even once it is more likely that it can come back again. Is it too soon, though? Does anybody have experience with this? Good or bad?



  • Newbie
  • Posts: 2
Re: What to tell a new girlfriend?
« Reply #1 on: December 07, 2009, 10:15:43 pm »
Hey PittsBGuy,

You should definitely tell her. I mean, do you want a secret this big from the person you could spend the rest of your life with?

I get it how hard it is to tell people. I just think you owe it to yourself to know for sure whether or not she'll be supportive of you when you are going through it.

My two cents.


  • Newbie
  • Posts: 1
Re: What to tell a new girlfriend?
« Reply #2 on: December 07, 2009, 10:38:35 pm »
Yes. I think telling is a good thing. You don't always know how they will react though.

My mother didn't want to deal with my depression at all. She kept telling me to stay active and think positively. She really disagreed with my decision to see a therapist. She couldn't really say anything though, because my doctor was the one who recommended it.

My mother didn't want me to tell anyone. I think she was worried about what they would think of me and my family. She was furious when she found out that I had told my father's sister. The strange thing is that even though she was my favorite auntie, and she has always been supportive, she didn't react that well.

I'm trying to accept that I don't need for my family to accept this for me to be ok. Maybe your girlfriend will be glad you told her and she will be there for you. If she doesn't, you can still be ok though.

I wish you luck


  • Guest
Re: What to tell a new girlfriend?
« Reply #3 on: December 09, 2009, 02:04:54 pm »
What I'm reading and relating to is timing.  I believe in disclosure as I live with two illnesses, one that I can transmit to my partner and like you I suffer depression, bipolar which I can't transmit.  Dating for me period is very hard because I hit my new date with both these fairly soon as I'm an activist on both HIV and Mental Illness, so for me because I'm all over the net he could find out on his own.

I firmly believe you should share with her your concern, but possible hold off until you feel she will love you for better or worse.  How do you think you would tell her, maybe rent a movie about depression there are many out there, see if any discussion comes up, how releived would you be if she herself has lived with some level of depression or someone in her family has or is and her comments are supportive.  I believe education demishes fear.

I hope this helps.  Sounds like you both are having fun time in getting to know one another.  Happy Holidays.
« Last Edit: December 09, 2009, 02:07:43 pm by BiPolarBear »


  • Member
  • Posts: 4
Re: What to tell a new girlfriend?
« Reply #4 on: December 17, 2009, 05:05:06 pm »
Thanks everyone!

I told her, and it went pretty well. I think she was a little bit freaked out and surprised, but she didn't walk away. Timing was important. I waited until we'd finished watching a movie together and were talking about life and getting more serious. It was one of those moments where you just suck your breath in and take the plunge.

It's only been a week, but I don't feel like she's pulling away and when we finished talking she told me that she was really glad I told her and felt honored. She also told me about a roommate in college who had been sexually assaulted and had developed post traumatic stress and how it really opened her eye up to how people struggle with not being in control of their feelings.

Sorry to hear about the HIV stuff you have to deal with. I can only imagine how much that must complicate things. Hang in there and thank you again to everyone for chiming in.


  • Newbie
  • Posts: 2
Re: What to tell a new girlfriend?
« Reply #5 on: December 17, 2009, 05:16:22 pm »
From a femaile perspective, at this point in your relationship, ( 2 months) itis actually the perfect time to open up about it.  

Your post explains the history of it in a very comprehensive manner, and if you take that approach, she'll understand and be glad you felt close enough to be open with your situation.  

YOU also don't want to invest too much time or emotions into someone who can't grasp or understand it.

She will, I'm sure.  It'll only bring you closer, and if it doesn't, and she pulls out of the relationship, then you're better off anyhow.  You'd be surprised how many people understand, and fewer don't. Those who don't or can't understand are flawed in character, and you wouldn't want to invest yourself in that person, whether you have depression or not.

Either way, telling her is the way to go, for both of you. Go for it!


  • Newbie
  • Posts: 2
Re: What to tell a new girlfriend?
« Reply #6 on: December 17, 2009, 05:19:21 pm »
Oops, I didn't see the last post..

Well Congratulations! Sounds like you found a great girl, and she's lucky  to be the one you chose to get close and open up to.


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